SOCIOPATH INDUSTRIALIST WITH A DRUG HABIT
With my contract expiring on Christmas eve, my sense of humor when it comes to all things combining Christmas and employment is shall we say it...conservative. So it was with a great degree of mirth when I noticed the following ad placed on seek.com.au:
Ho bloody ho, ve are lookink for work, ja? Ve do not do the haha!
In the spirit of the ad, I have replied to it with the following letter (edited for style in repost). So far, no response yet:
Dear Sir/Madam.
I am appalled that you would post this job ad!
There are so many things wrong with it, I would not know where to begin!
But let me try!
First, remuneration.To state that it is 'unique' is highly deceptive and I am sure it violates a code of conduct of some sort. Milk and cookies hardly constitutes a minimum wage condition.
Second, your euphemism for the highly cavalier and unsafe method of transportation of 'Extensive travel opportunities'. The operator of the vehicle holds no licence, not even a basic pilots papers. It is a miracle that no major airliner was brought down by the sled and the reindeer.
Third and you do not mention this at all. What about personal liability insurance? The incumbent gains aggress to many private properties without the explicit permission of the owners. Where I come from that is called 'break and enter'. But even assuming there is implicit approval granted by the vehicle of a stocking (a dubious legal device to say the least). Who covers the cost of damages to the roofs? Most roofing systems have not been engineered to hold the weight of a fully laden sled.
Fourth, 'Northern Hemisphere Location'. BAH! I laugh at this. I have heard about off shoring, but this clearly takes the cake. Not only there is no recognised government (and thus tax system and labour laws), but clearly siting the manufacturing facilities in such a remote location bodes no good (as well as making poor logistic sense for the supply of raw resources).So, clearly, the position encourages the violation of basic human right to a living wage. I would like to know how much are the gnomes paid per hour. Huh? Answer me this! You can not! You are complicit in this farcical off shoring operation!
Fifth, the environmental impact. I can not begin to describe how disturbed I am by the notion of a large manufacturing facility sited in the pristine wilderness. The fragile ecosystem can not support the stress placed on it by this mad-mans industrial empire. Once again I charge you with complicity in crimes against nature!
Sixth, 'Mature age candidate'? This clearly violates the Equal opportunity laws in Australia. I will be making a complaint to the commissioner forthwith.
Seventh, the insane schedule that this job entails can only be achieved by bending the laws of physics and intravenous use of amphetamines. Both activities frowned upon by the law, common sense and the recruiters association of Australia or whatever industry association the fool who wrote this ad will be tarred and feathered and ridden out of town for bringing the good name of recruiters in disrepute. Little wonder the current incumbent is clearly driven insane by the unforgiving deadlines, as manifested by his clear obesity problem, lunatic laugher and anachronistic attire. I bet there is not even any medical insurance with the role!
All in all, it is a disgraceful, fallacious and highly dubious example of recruiters art.
You, dear sir/madam, are highly deserving of a lump of coal in your stocking this Xmas!
Signed,
Yours (very indignant)
-Signed-.
On the job front, my new tart corporate-ho resume is making recruiters interested with 2 bites so far versus 10 applications. This is a good ratio, given that the applications were very off-hand. I have high hopes that the contract I have set up with Ibrahim, the Turkish gray-market organ donor inermediary for my spare kidney, retina and half a liver will not have to be cashed in just yet.
I expect to be once again gainfuly (using the word very losely) employed by the end of January. Looking forward to the holliday.
Ho bloody ho, ve are lookink for work, ja? Ve do not do the haha!
In the spirit of the ad, I have replied to it with the following letter (edited for style in repost). So far, no response yet:
Dear Sir/Madam.
I am appalled that you would post this job ad!
There are so many things wrong with it, I would not know where to begin!
But let me try!
First, remuneration.To state that it is 'unique' is highly deceptive and I am sure it violates a code of conduct of some sort. Milk and cookies hardly constitutes a minimum wage condition.
Second, your euphemism for the highly cavalier and unsafe method of transportation of 'Extensive travel opportunities'. The operator of the vehicle holds no licence, not even a basic pilots papers. It is a miracle that no major airliner was brought down by the sled and the reindeer.
Third and you do not mention this at all. What about personal liability insurance? The incumbent gains aggress to many private properties without the explicit permission of the owners. Where I come from that is called 'break and enter'. But even assuming there is implicit approval granted by the vehicle of a stocking (a dubious legal device to say the least). Who covers the cost of damages to the roofs? Most roofing systems have not been engineered to hold the weight of a fully laden sled.
Fourth, 'Northern Hemisphere Location'. BAH! I laugh at this. I have heard about off shoring, but this clearly takes the cake. Not only there is no recognised government (and thus tax system and labour laws), but clearly siting the manufacturing facilities in such a remote location bodes no good (as well as making poor logistic sense for the supply of raw resources).So, clearly, the position encourages the violation of basic human right to a living wage. I would like to know how much are the gnomes paid per hour. Huh? Answer me this! You can not! You are complicit in this farcical off shoring operation!
Fifth, the environmental impact. I can not begin to describe how disturbed I am by the notion of a large manufacturing facility sited in the pristine wilderness. The fragile ecosystem can not support the stress placed on it by this mad-mans industrial empire. Once again I charge you with complicity in crimes against nature!
Sixth, 'Mature age candidate'? This clearly violates the Equal opportunity laws in Australia. I will be making a complaint to the commissioner forthwith.
Seventh, the insane schedule that this job entails can only be achieved by bending the laws of physics and intravenous use of amphetamines. Both activities frowned upon by the law, common sense and the recruiters association of Australia or whatever industry association the fool who wrote this ad will be tarred and feathered and ridden out of town for bringing the good name of recruiters in disrepute. Little wonder the current incumbent is clearly driven insane by the unforgiving deadlines, as manifested by his clear obesity problem, lunatic laugher and anachronistic attire. I bet there is not even any medical insurance with the role!
All in all, it is a disgraceful, fallacious and highly dubious example of recruiters art.
You, dear sir/madam, are highly deserving of a lump of coal in your stocking this Xmas!
Signed,
Yours (very indignant)
-Signed-.
On the job front, my new tart corporate-ho resume is making recruiters interested with 2 bites so far versus 10 applications. This is a good ratio, given that the applications were very off-hand. I have high hopes that the contract I have set up with Ibrahim, the Turkish gray-market organ donor inermediary for my spare kidney, retina and half a liver will not have to be cashed in just yet.
I expect to be once again gainfuly (using the word very losely) employed by the end of January. Looking forward to the holliday.
posted by Wulfy | 5:43 AM
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