MY VISA ATE YOUR KARMA
Category: Conspiracy, Erections, Nookular weapons
Thus I am here, inflicting my wit, such as it is, on the worlds automated blogg trawlers The Australian Index. Eyeballs! My kingdom for an eyeball! Said the blogger with the audience of 1.5 statistical viewers per week (judging by the flood of comments). A cry of a diarist desperate for page views.
For Allah will be done, at least I'll get some underpaid homeland defence 'intelligence analyst' reading this when it pops up on his intranet flagged as 'low threat rating, visual confirmation required, tick yes/no for further monitoring [Y/N]'. For the love of Allah please tick YES! I need every eyeball I can get, even if its automated NSA trawler. So without further ado, here is my honejar to the internets black ants . Osama sat in Bush, hiding from the Corrupt Western Democracies wanting to blow him up, set him up a bomb you see. Plans for nuclear (nookular) and bacteriological (poor personal hygene) and chemical (soap was a wee bit caustic) weapons clearly evident in his Allah dictated planet-wide consipracy of fundamentalist neo-conservative israeli counterintelligence underground splinter group, constituting a clear and present danger to the western world. Attack on utilities and financial infrastructure is possible as forecast by the prophets of doom, the internal security apparatus.
There, that should set off a couple of flags in the automation.
Quick, while I have the eyeballs!
I am supposed to be writing about what I know, but fuck me, who is going to read about Level 70 hunter in the World of Warcraft, Project Management or Sex? So, I will just make it up, with a bottle of whisky (Hey it worked for Hemmingway) and a studiously curled upper lip designed to show my irreverent distain for the world at large, I assume my infrequent role as a diarist of teh internets google machine!
'Diarist', a term I have recently heard on my favourite comedy channel, the Faux News. Spat out with barely held back vitrol by a conservative (as if it needs to be said) talk back radio jock. It cracked my face in a wide grin (still hurts, not doing that again for a while!). A term meant derisively as the old media is panicking as the millions of viewer eyeballs are slipping through its talons. No more corporate sponsored one-speak mind meld. The corporate boardrooms are shaking.
So 'Diarist' it is, a term I shall wear proudly on my chest, just next to the one that labels me as 'A free speech fundamentalist' (Thanks Dick!).
Corporate media, you suck so bad, your brown stain on the human history will be wiped clean by the pages of diaries!
Mahamed Hanief, visa decision is due today, interesting to see its outcome.
Seeing as the government has its balls up against the wall on this one I would be betting for a 'granted' verdict. However given how this government is more and more desperate to win the upcoming erection. In the words of opposition; 'A poll driven government' (as in what government is not WTF?), given that 66.6% of those polled on cable TV say he does not deserve a visa, I predict a 'not granted' decision.
Was it Goebbels that said 'Never overestimated the intelligence of the people', or words to that effect.
What happened to 'innocent until proven guilty?', even with the wide ranging terrorist laws aka 'He looks funny, therefore he must think funny' where the burden of proof is next to none as evidenced by the keystone evidence against the evildoer doctor (His brother told him to get out of the country).
Fuck me! If my distant cousin just blew up an airport and I was an Arab I'd be on the first plane out of the country to save myself 2 weeks in jail just for looking different. Sorry, not jail, 'Cooperating with the authorities with their enquries'.
Ah it makes me feel safer already tho.
Second, CONSPIRACY THEORY ALERT!!!
Ok, you know how the government is getting desperate?
CIA is involved! (They stole my Porche too the bastards!).
Having successfully neutered the Democratic party in Australia, CIA is now attempting to assist the incumbent government in winning the erection.
Why?
a) CIA has a record of interfering in other nations affairs to secure interests of US.
b) Kevin Rudd wants to pull out of the clusterfuck that Iraq has become.
QED: It is not in the US interest for Kevin Rudd to win the erection.
How? The Opposition leader Kevin Rudd, who is riding on a wave of popularity to an erection tsunami victory is Mr.Goody goody two shoes. Christian wholesome as they come. You can bet he tortures small animals for pleasure, no one but the most vile animal puts up such a convincing front as does this devious bastard.
Hence the scrutiny CIA has put Rudd under to help Howard pull out his Tampon out at the erection. Sorry, Tampa.
Using its well documented links to the US underground that runs, amongst other things such enterprises as lemonade stands, state government elections, old folks homes, trade unions, family fun days and you guessed it, strip clubs.
The mind boggles just exactly how, anyone would remember who went where, four years ago, unless the mob run strip joint keeps a record of all the faces coming in.
Who knows for what handy purpose such a record might be used.
Especially in the US, where all the politicians are all virgins until they marry, rarely drink and where upon becoming married to their highschool sweetheart they proceed to have missionary sex with their spouse only for the purpose of procreation.
Unless of course they are good at hiding bodies of their young lovers..
If Kevin Rudd was an American politician, such a disclosure would mean instant political death, or at least significant drop in polls. A measure of how horribly under-resourced the Australian desk is in the CIA, is that such a disclosure was throught to have a negative effect on the Australian voting public.
In the country where the national anthem is 'The pub with no beer', and yelling at scantly clad women to 'show us yer tits!', is thought to be a harmless, if juvenile behaviour any politician that is show to indulge in an occasional T&A in a drunken night on the town with the boys is only going to be met with a resounding;
'ON YA KEV!!!' (accompanied with a double thumbs up and a big grin) from the voting public.
In a brilliant stroke of acknowledgement of this state of affairs, Kevin Rudd's defence is 'I was too drunk to remember'. The man is a genius! Seriously.
So here is a tip for the Right Honourable Mr. Howard for the erection night.
If he wants to pull another Tampa out of an orifice, the night before the erection, arrange to be 'discovered' in a whorehouse, dressed in the Crocodile Man Khaki Safari Suit, riding a Koala suit wearing prostitute yelling and whooping 'Yeah baby, yeah! Take this Australian People!' (Well maybe skip the second sentence) in a drunken stupor twirling a bloodied tampon above his head.
Guaranteed.
100%
Vote winner.
But I am sure, come the election night, we will see something more spectacular than the above. If Howard has shown us anything before, it is that he can never, ever be Underestimated.
Thus I am here, inflicting my wit, such as it is, on the worlds automated blogg trawlers The Australian Index. Eyeballs! My kingdom for an eyeball! Said the blogger with the audience of 1.5 statistical viewers per week (judging by the flood of comments). A cry of a diarist desperate for page views.
For Allah will be done, at least I'll get some underpaid homeland defence 'intelligence analyst' reading this when it pops up on his intranet flagged as 'low threat rating, visual confirmation required, tick yes/no for further monitoring [Y/N]'. For the love of Allah please tick YES! I need every eyeball I can get, even if its automated NSA trawler. So without further ado, here is my honejar to the internets black ants . Osama sat in Bush, hiding from the Corrupt Western Democracies wanting to blow him up, set him up a bomb you see. Plans for nuclear (nookular) and bacteriological (poor personal hygene) and chemical (soap was a wee bit caustic) weapons clearly evident in his Allah dictated planet-wide consipracy of fundamentalist neo-conservative israeli counterintelligence underground splinter group, constituting a clear and present danger to the western world. Attack on utilities and financial infrastructure is possible as forecast by the prophets of doom, the internal security apparatus.
There, that should set off a couple of flags in the automation.
Quick, while I have the eyeballs!
I am supposed to be writing about what I know, but fuck me, who is going to read about Level 70 hunter in the World of Warcraft, Project Management or Sex? So, I will just make it up, with a bottle of whisky (Hey it worked for Hemmingway) and a studiously curled upper lip designed to show my irreverent distain for the world at large, I assume my infrequent role as a diarist of teh internets google machine!
'Diarist', a term I have recently heard on my favourite comedy channel, the Faux News. Spat out with barely held back vitrol by a conservative (as if it needs to be said) talk back radio jock. It cracked my face in a wide grin (still hurts, not doing that again for a while!). A term meant derisively as the old media is panicking as the millions of viewer eyeballs are slipping through its talons. No more corporate sponsored one-speak mind meld. The corporate boardrooms are shaking.
So 'Diarist' it is, a term I shall wear proudly on my chest, just next to the one that labels me as 'A free speech fundamentalist' (Thanks Dick!).
Corporate media, you suck so bad, your brown stain on the human history will be wiped clean by the pages of diaries!
Mahamed Hanief, visa decision is due today, interesting to see its outcome.
Seeing as the government has its balls up against the wall on this one I would be betting for a 'granted' verdict. However given how this government is more and more desperate to win the upcoming erection. In the words of opposition; 'A poll driven government' (as in what government is not WTF?), given that 66.6% of those polled on cable TV say he does not deserve a visa, I predict a 'not granted' decision.
Was it Goebbels that said 'Never overestimated the intelligence of the people', or words to that effect.
What happened to 'innocent until proven guilty?', even with the wide ranging terrorist laws aka 'He looks funny, therefore he must think funny' where the burden of proof is next to none as evidenced by the keystone evidence against the evildoer doctor (His brother told him to get out of the country).
Fuck me! If my distant cousin just blew up an airport and I was an Arab I'd be on the first plane out of the country to save myself 2 weeks in jail just for looking different. Sorry, not jail, 'Cooperating with the authorities with their enquries'.
Ah it makes me feel safer already tho.
Second, CONSPIRACY THEORY ALERT!!!
Ok, you know how the government is getting desperate?
CIA is involved! (They stole my Porche too the bastards!).
Having successfully neutered the Democratic party in Australia, CIA is now attempting to assist the incumbent government in winning the erection.
Why?
a) CIA has a record of interfering in other nations affairs to secure interests of US.
b) Kevin Rudd wants to pull out of the clusterfuck that Iraq has become.
QED: It is not in the US interest for Kevin Rudd to win the erection.
How? The Opposition leader Kevin Rudd, who is riding on a wave of popularity to an erection tsunami victory is Mr.Goody goody two shoes. Christian wholesome as they come. You can bet he tortures small animals for pleasure, no one but the most vile animal puts up such a convincing front as does this devious bastard.
Hence the scrutiny CIA has put Rudd under to help Howard pull out his Tampon out at the erection. Sorry, Tampa.
Using its well documented links to the US underground that runs, amongst other things such enterprises as lemonade stands, state government elections, old folks homes, trade unions, family fun days and you guessed it, strip clubs.
The mind boggles just exactly how, anyone would remember who went where, four years ago, unless the mob run strip joint keeps a record of all the faces coming in.
Who knows for what handy purpose such a record might be used.
Especially in the US, where all the politicians are all virgins until they marry, rarely drink and where upon becoming married to their highschool sweetheart they proceed to have missionary sex with their spouse only for the purpose of procreation.
Unless of course they are good at hiding bodies of their young lovers..
If Kevin Rudd was an American politician, such a disclosure would mean instant political death, or at least significant drop in polls. A measure of how horribly under-resourced the Australian desk is in the CIA, is that such a disclosure was throught to have a negative effect on the Australian voting public.
In the country where the national anthem is 'The pub with no beer', and yelling at scantly clad women to 'show us yer tits!', is thought to be a harmless, if juvenile behaviour any politician that is show to indulge in an occasional T&A in a drunken night on the town with the boys is only going to be met with a resounding;
'ON YA KEV!!!' (accompanied with a double thumbs up and a big grin) from the voting public.
In a brilliant stroke of acknowledgement of this state of affairs, Kevin Rudd's defence is 'I was too drunk to remember'. The man is a genius! Seriously.
So here is a tip for the Right Honourable Mr. Howard for the erection night.
If he wants to pull another Tampa out of an orifice, the night before the erection, arrange to be 'discovered' in a whorehouse, dressed in the Crocodile Man Khaki Safari Suit, riding a Koala suit wearing prostitute yelling and whooping 'Yeah baby, yeah! Take this Australian People!' (Well maybe skip the second sentence) in a drunken stupor twirling a bloodied tampon above his head.
Guaranteed.
100%
Vote winner.
But I am sure, come the election night, we will see something more spectacular than the above. If Howard has shown us anything before, it is that he can never, ever be Underestimated.
posted by Wulfy | 3:38 PM
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