MY BiG DEAL.
Right. Pay attention. I got a new job. Big project. Here is my project plan. This is highly classified information, so you will have to undergo automagic brainwipe when you leave this site. You agreed to the punitive non-disclosure agreement when you clicked the link. Assuming of course anyone VISITS this site.
Project managment explained.
1) Pretend you are the subject expert. Use long words. Dismiss anyone asking questions as an ignorant peasant.
2) Write a lot of important looking paperwork. No one reads it anyway.
3) Meet with some people. You really should make some things happen. Does not matter what. Create chaos. Blame the unions.
4) Keep shifting appointments, postponing reports. You are too busy to do anything. Take long lunches with the stake-holders (it is important to spread the blame).
5) This is where you hide the bodies and burn the evidence. Alternatively if by some incredible twists of fate, things have worked out, you claim credit.
My contract is up in October. As just evidenced, I am fscking amazing Project Manager. Hire me. I do laundry too.
Project managment explained.
1) Pretend you are the subject expert. Use long words. Dismiss anyone asking questions as an ignorant peasant.
2) Write a lot of important looking paperwork. No one reads it anyway.
3) Meet with some people. You really should make some things happen. Does not matter what. Create chaos. Blame the unions.
4) Keep shifting appointments, postponing reports. You are too busy to do anything. Take long lunches with the stake-holders (it is important to spread the blame).
5) This is where you hide the bodies and burn the evidence. Alternatively if by some incredible twists of fate, things have worked out, you claim credit.
My contract is up in October. As just evidenced, I am fscking amazing Project Manager. Hire me. I do laundry too.
posted by Wulfy | 2:54 AM
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