BAWK! CLUCK-CLUCK! BAWK!

Cat-egory: Con-spiracy

The age old dilemma, what came first, whether the chicken or the egg has been solved. Clearly and emphatically, the chicken. The egg, a mere survival capsule for the foul fowl intent on wiping all life on earth that does not believe in the ancient religon of getting the early worm. A pattern is emerging from all signs on earth and the sky (ie:my TV set). The chicken flu, not as a poulty problem as originaly thought. Pecked to death by journalist and comentators, the seeds of a disaster are being sown. The four rooster of acocopolypso have ridden into town and set fire to the KFC outlets.

The government is clearly panicking. The so called anti-terrorist exercises are secret, equipment hidden away from the beady eyes of the media. Clearly the sight of rows of weasel and fox cages would unsettle the public. Our crack teams of commando trained weasels are our last best hope to stop the terrorista fowls.
The anti-terror laws draft a mere distraction. A government called 'Mean and tricky' by the opposition, introduced a draft law, whereupon suspect terrorist would be beheaded on the streets, a mere suspicion of having the notion of an anti-government idea would result in being plucked off the street and looking as if you were about to squat would have you be turned to stock. Naturally, such new anti-chicken... er-terror laws were though to be anti-humanitarian (squint). After opposition to the fowl laws from the chicken-soup lobby and the society for the preservation of traditional english breakfast, the laws were plucked from the most onerous provisions. In the new version, as long as you keep your claws and your beak clean you have nothing to fear!

I feel it is incumbent upon me to stand on the egg crate, pluck up the courage and crow at the top of my lungs. The foul fowl of the apocalypse are coming!

AUSTRALIAN WORKER ARGHREEMENTS (AWA)

Category: Cold truth.

Last week I have come across a treasure. My daily run through the bunker where I have a small but failing business hawking ethical positions, moral fibre and the good of the nation, allows me to have access to some interesting sources of information. I was just passing by the secure document disposal pile. There were mountains of important information that was piling up to be destroyed. The Bali 9 federal police memos. Amanda 'I know nooofink!' Vanstone immigration department reports. The Australian intelligence reports disclosing that God told Bush to invade Iraq and last but not least, evidence that we have the best democracy money can buy.

Still, I was in luck, on the top of the pile, there was a small package.
In it, there was some frilly underwear, a small package of what looked liked a controlled substance, and some polaroids of a well know member of a major politial party in a compromising position with an alsatian, a coffe grinder and a pear.
Clearly material designed to detract from the packing paper.
The wrapping proved to be a printed draft of new Australian *smirk*liberal party new industrial laws.

As you may know, or have been craftily manipulated into not knowing (release on SUNDAY afternoon?!). New Australian labour laws are introduced today.
And so, here is the scoop. Before it hits the media, for a few hours before events of Monday wash the item from the front pages (including the craftily manufactured "Big news" distraction). The scoop, new industrial agreements to supercede the current award conditions. Boiled down to 5 basic entitlments for everyone's benefit.

1) You have the right to a competative salary.
The salary, before taking out the governments cut must not exceed the minimum salary someone, somewhere on this planet will accept for doing your job. So. If there is a starving Boskonian out there in the mids of transilvania, willing to do your job for .5 farthings a day. This is going to be your maximum salary.

2) You have a choice of work incentives.
The overseer may use a cat of nine tails or a bull whip to stimulate productivity. You can choose either.

3) Your entitments to sick leave are generous.
If you get sick, you may leave.

4) Generous termination terms apply.
Upon your termination, you are entitled to one (1) cardboard box (subject to availability) and a security guard escort to the council boundry of the premises.

5) Negotiating further conditions.
These conditions are of course only meant to form the basic, inalienable workers right. Additionaly, you the worker may negotiate whatever other terms you manage to negotiate. Given that you, a single individual with poor re-employment prospects, will be negotiating with a multinational megacorporation with lawyers up the wazzoo and the moral posture of a hungry canine in a sausage factory, your milage may vary.

I for one, welcome these changes.
It is certainly going to make employment in my newly opening "Independant transplant organ farming, pizza shop, migrant assistance office adoption center and second hand clothing" much more profitable.